There Was A Man With A Secret
There was a man with a secret, one that he did not even tell his wife.
If he did make the secret known, everything would change and chaos would ensue! The laws of physics would cause the magnetic poles to shift! Calderas everywhere would burst into a violence that would murder the skies for centuries!
Well, that sounded good, anyway. Corny and melodramatic, the perfect words for a sappy opening of one of those bad novels that you found on the side of the road after seven generations of garage sales fetched twenty-five cents for it.