Fifty Shades Of Relativism

Fifty Shades Of Relativism by J. Kuzmier --  photo by John B. at     

My dear readers, picture if you will, a rather grey misty day. The sun tries to peek out from behind the clouds. But alas, it fails miserably.

Typical, though, as this kind of day is for those who live here, many brave the elements by sitting outside at cafes, sipping lattes, cappuccinos, and green tea. They are texting, typing, and reading e-books. Occasionally, there is a person talking on a phone, or even more infrequently, talking to someone at the table with them.

Ginger is sitting at one such café table, texting someone. A cappuccino is at her side. Katy approaches from a distance, wearing a ponytail while carrying a book and a latte. She bumps into tables as she makes her way to Ginger, spilling her drink as she goes. She mumbles sorry to them, blushing and biting her lower lip, but they mostly ignore her. She drops the book, then retrieves it hastily. Ginger finishes texting, saying to whomever she’s texting that the klutz is on the way and she has to go. Still biting her lower lip, Katy reaches the table, and Ginger stands up, giving her a wide smile. Katy is shorter than Ginger, so she peeks up at Ginger when she reaches her. Ginger cocks her head to one side as she does.

Ginger: Hey there, you!

Katy: Hi, Ginger.

They hug. Katy bumps into a chair as she breaks the embrace and blushes before sitting down. Ginger gracefully slips into the chair she just occupied. Ginger appears to ignore Katy’s clumsy mishaps. But she doesn’t.

Ginger: So, did you finish Fifty Shades of Grey yet?

Katy flushes crimson.

Katy: I just finished reading it.

Katy drops the book on floor before placing it on the table, biting her lip and smiling. Ginger sighs deeply, but smiles again before Katy seems to notice.

Ginger: Finally! Took you long enough to finally catch up with the rest of us!

Katy blushes, but Ginger doesn’t seem to notice. But she probably does.

Ginger: So, what did you think? Was it not totally awesome?

Katy rolls her eyes.

Katy: Oh my God. It was something else. Holy crap! You were right! I can’t believe how much…

She flushes and blushes and whispers.

Katy: Sex….

Katy now speaks in a normal tone again.

Katy: Richard and me are having now because of it.

Ginger raises her eyebrows and speaks animatedly.

Ginger: I told you! Isn’t that book so freaking hot? So what happened? Did you finally get the guts to tell Richard your G-spot isn’t found by rubbing his royal magic genie dick on your bosom?

Katy bites her lower lip, rolls her eyes, and turns crimson.

Katy: You’re terrible! But seriously. I don’t know what it is! It’s like something just turned on, out of nowhere. Like a light switch.

Ginger lays her hand on Katy’s shoulder, and cocks her head to one side.

Ginger: It’s called sexual desire, hon. That is what being turned on is.

Katy gasps, rolls her eyes, and turns scarlet.

Katy: I know what sexual desire is, Ginger! Jeez, I’m not that inexperienced!

Ginger pats her arm.

Ginger: Yes you are. Fifteen years with only one guy, and in your mid thirties? You are that inexperienced, hon. It’s okay, though. It’s what makes you sweet.

Katy bites her lower lip yet again, and flushes.

Katy: Jeez, you’re something else, Ginger.

Ginger cocks her head to one side, grins, as she speaks in a fake British accent. Or an attempt at one. Maybe she just got something stuck in her throat.

Ginger: I try hon, I try.

Katy grins back, purses her lips, and speaks in a whisper.

Katy: But seriously. After reading the book, it’s not even like I had to say anything to him, but things changed anyway. I mean, you know how Richard is and all, with him so busy at work.

Ginger smirks.

Ginger: Oh, I know. He’s usually a selfish dick in bed. You’re just there for the ride, I know.

Katy gasps and blushes scarlet.

Katy: Jeez, you’re so bad, Ginger! Crap, Richard isn’t that bad!

Ginger grins.

Ginger: That’s because you were a twenty one year old virgin when you met him. Just like Ana in the book, by the way. So you don’t know good from bad.

Katy peeks at Ginger, and rolls her eyes. Ginger continues.

Ginger: Like I said before, you’re inexperienced and sometimes you need a little help from a friend like me, and sometimes, a little prop maybe….

Ginger winks at Katy, who responds by blushing again.

Ginger: But anyway. The book did what, now?

Katy flushes, rolls her eyes, and murmurs.

Katy: Jeez, that’s the thing! Holy crap, I don’t even know! All of the sudden, instead of Richard just..

Katy now whispers the next sentence.

Katy: ..doing it…

Katy resumes normal tone.

Katy:…with me, something changed. Like Richard became, I don’t know, more attentive?

Ginger nods and purses her lips.

Ginger: See, that’s good. You do seem like you have some kind of glow about you. Men know these things about women when it happens.

She pauses, and cocks her head to one side.

Ginger: Well, maybe not ‘know’. That’s giving them too much intellectual credit, like they actually do think about women. It’s more like…

Ginger cocks her head to the other side.

Ginger:…they smell it. You know, like dogs do.

Katy flushes crimson and giggles.

Katy: I think I know what you mean now!

Ginger grins.

Ginger: Well, don’t stop there! You know there are two books more!

Katy blushes, bangs her legs on the table so it moves, blushes again, then grins.

Katy: Jeez, I can’t wait!

Ginger: That’s a good girl!

She pats Katy’s hand. Katy smiles meekly, peeking at her and flushes.

Just then, Olivia and Todd enter from the far left of café, approaching Ginger and Katy. Olivia and Todd walk next to each other. She’s about six inches shorter than he is. Ginger rolls her eyes when she sees them approaching.

Ginger: Oh no. Olivia showed up with her master Todd. I can’t believe she brought him. Again.

Katy cranes her neck to see and almost knocks down Ginger’s cappuccino. She doesn’t notice this, or Ginger rolling her eyes. Turning back to Ginger, she purses her lips and sighs.

Katy: Oh, she’s so lucky. He always comes with her.

Ginger rolls her eyes.

Ginger: Oh, believe me, I know. For three years in a row, from the day she shacked up with him. Can you believe she moved in with him after knowing him a month? And got married to him six months after that?

Katy bobs her head excitedly, and in doing so bumps into Ginger’s cappuccino with her hand.

Katy: I know! They are so much in love! She’s so lucky!

Katy tips her head, and sighs. She bumps her hand into Ginger’s cappuccino again. It spills a little on the table near the book.

Ginger moves her cappuccino and the book away from Katy.

Ginger: That’s not love, hon! That’s dependency! That’s why we never see them apart. It’s sick, hon. Sick.

Ginger places hand on Katy’s arm.

Ginger: Don’t let yourself get like that. You need space, like the way me and Miles have. Olivia’s changed so much since school ended, it’s sick. She thinks she’s so feminist and that, but can’t seem to walk out the door without her ball and chain.

Katy peeks down at the book.

Katy: Olivia read Fifty Shades, right?

Ginger rolls her eyes.

Ginger: Yeah, can you believe it? I actually got her to do something. I convinced her it was a social experiment. That got her. You know her, thinking that she is some kind of expert on what people do. But she can’t leave her douchebag husband behind for five minutes, so what the hell does she know?

Katy purses her lips.

Katy: She didn’t like it, right?

Ginger rolls her eyes, yet again.

Ginger: No. At least, that’s what she said. But you know how it is. She thinks she’s better and different from everyone else. If everyone likes something, she just says she hates it just to be different. She probably loved it and would have had an orgasm over it if she weren’t so frigid. She probably wishes she had a guy like Christian Grey instead of Todd. She’s probably never come without a vibrator. No, that’s giving her too much credit. Probably not even then, either.

Katy gasps.

Katy: Jeez, you’re so bad, Ginger! Be nice.

Katy taps Ginger lightly on her arm and almost spills her drink on Ginger in doing so.

Ginger: When am I not?

Ginger grins and winks at Katy. She then grabs hold of Katy’s shoulder and whispers.

Ginger: Be quiet. She’s here.

Olivia and Todd approach the table, both with medium size coffees. Ginger gets up, and Olivia puts her coffee on table. Katy almost knocks it over when she swings herself over to look at Olivia and Todd, and peeks up to make sure no one noticed. They all did, but don’t say anything. Katy sighs. Todd shakes his head and sips his coffee. Ginger embraces Olivia, tightly. She grins widely at her as she does so.

Ginger: Oh hi, sweetie! So good to see you!

Olivia hugs back lightly, and pulls away first. Ginger blinks for a moment before turning to Todd.

Ginger: And of course… you! What would an outing be without… you!

Todd: Hey you. Right back at you.

Todd nods at Ginger. She hugs him lightly. Todd aims his arm so his coffee doesn’t spill as she does so. Olivia glances at the book on the table as she and Todd sit down.

Olivia: Is that Fifty Shades of Grey?

Ginger: Uh-huh. Katy finally got around to finishing it.

She nods towards Katy, who blushes. Todd winces.

Todd: You suckered Katy into reading that shit? Bad enough you convinced Olivia to read it and I had to hear about how shitty it was.

Olivia nods.

Olivia: I thought it sucked.

Ginger pats Olivia’s arm.

Ginger: That’s because you’re not a romantic, hon. If you were, you’d know how good this was.

Olivia winces.

Olivia: No, it wasn’t. It was insultingly poor writing.

Ginger gasps.

Ginger: It was a finalist for best romance on one of those lists!

Olivia winces.

Olivia: So? Who cares what list it was on? It should have been on a shit list. The book sucked. I thought it was written by a five year old who never left the house. It was tedious and boring. She kept repeating the same things, over and over. Like rolling their eyes every two seconds, for one. Everyone was gasping even when they weren’t having sex. Cocking their heads to one side, too. Why did the author keep repeating that? She have cock envy or something?

Katy flushes. Olivia continues.

Olivia: And the characters. Don’t get me started on them. They were so, so underdeveloped, like cardboard stereotypical cutouts. Like, how realistic was it for Ana to be such a pristine never kissed virgin at twenty-one and get turned on by dreaming of her clit get whipped ten seconds into her first relationship? And then be into romantic literature and never even masturbated? Just so the author could shove the stereotype chaste little girl thing down everyone’s throats and Grey could come off like some big romantic hero sweeping her off her feet? Come on! Really?!

Katy blushes crimson, Ginger rolls her eyes, and Olivia shakes her head. Olivia continues.

Olivia: It was like I was reading a screenplay for a really bad cable TV movie. I started to feel like I was a lousy character in a bad screenplay myself.

Ginger gasps.

Ginger: Sorry it isn’t Shakespeare! You have to lighten up and live a little.

Olivia raises her eyebrows.

Olivia: By doing what? Reading literature by a juvenile and pretending I like it? No thanks.

Olivia and Todd drink from their coffees as she speaks. Katy does the same. Ginger, however, glances between the book and Olivia, back and forth, like she’s nervous.

Ginger: Oh, come on! It’s not literature by a juvenile! It’s five hundred pages long! I thought you liked books that go on forever, you goose! It’s–

Todd puts his coffee down and leans towards Ginger.

Todd: Excuse me. What did you call my wife?

Ginger rolls her eyes.

Ginger: Oh please. It’s just a joke. Lighten up.

Todd raises his eyebrows.

Todd: Calling my wife a goose is a joke? I’m not laughing. I don’t see anyone else doing so either.

He gestures around the table with his finger. No one is laughing, including Ginger. Olivia sips her coffee, looks at book with an expression that could be read as sardonic or bored, depending on your interpretation. Katy sips her coffee as well, but bites her lower lip. This could probably mean anything. Who knows.

Ginger sighs and rolls her eyes.

Ginger: Oh, stop it. We’re discussing a book here. You know, reading? Something your wife likes doing?

Todd points at the book.

Todd: You call that piece of trash a book? Olivia kept reading it out loud to me. I think it was one of the most offensive things I’d ever heard in print.

Ginger gasps.

Ginger: You’re shitting me. A dude saying that? Please. I’m sure you’ve gotten off on worse in your time.

Olivia raises her eyebrows.

Olivia: Are you saying my husband is into sick kinds of porn?

Ginger cocks her head to one side.

Ginger: Oh please, Olivia. Don’t be so naive! All men are into porn, sick or not. It’s in their nature!

There is silence as Olivia and Todd regard Ginger like she’s a lunatic. Katy flushes, peeking up at the other three.

Todd: Where the hell you get your naive ideas? Women’s magazines, ‘The View’, Oprah and Pinterest?

Ginger blinks. Maybe she’s attempting to flirt. Or maybe she has something stuck in her eyes. Who knows.

Ginger: Don’t be so embarrassed! We know you men need a little outlet. It’s okay, you know. We understand. Don’t we, girls?

Ginger directs her attention to the other women, but they are looking at Todd, not her. He is staring down Ginger.

Todd: You don’t get it, do you?

Ginger seems confused.

Ginger: What?

Todd: Why I find the book offensive.

Ginger regains her pert stance by fluffing her hair and fluttering her eyes.

Ginger: You don’t like the truth in print, that’s why. It’s called projection.

Todd: No. I don’t like how it portrays men. That in order for us to get off and be desirable, we have to exploit women for our own personal perversions. The romantic hero, if you event think you should call him that, is an abusive piece of shit looking for a loophole to legitimize domestic violence at best, and rape at worst.

Ginger flutters eyes again. It must be a high pollen day or something.

Ginger: Angry, aren’t we? So like I said, projection. You don’t like the truth, and that we’re turning it back on you by playing the game like an equal.

Olivia shrugs her shoulders and shakes her head.

Olivia: What’s up with you, anyway? Why are you reacting this way over a book? A crappy one at that. It really seems to rile you up.

Ginger speaks slowly and loudly to Olivia, like Olivia’s deaf.

Ginger: Look hon. If your man can’t take the truth from a chick, tell him to stop crashing the women’s table all of the time and stay home in a man cave playing Plato.

Olivia rolls her eyes.

Olivia: Halo.

Ginger appears confused.

Ginger: Huh?

Olivia speaks slowly and loudly to Ginger, like Ginger’s deaf.

Olivia: It’s Halo. The video game?

Ginger rolls her eyes.

Ginger: Whatever. Halo, Plato, Play dough, they’re all the same immature shit. You know what I mean! If he can’t take the truth from me, let him play with little boys instead of real women, you know? Because I’m going to tell it like it is!

Olivia shakes her head.

Olivia: Oh, Christ.

Katy starts playing with her napkin, ripping it up into little shreds, blushing from scarlet to crimson to fuchsia back to scarlet again. Everyone does their best to ignore her, as this is irritating an already tense situation.

Todd leans in, staring down Ginger. Her mouth is pressed into a hard line as he does so, and flushes fifty shades of crimson as he proceeds with his diatribe, as does Katy. Olivia just calmly sips her coffee, regarding Todd as he speaks.

Todd: Okay, Ginger. You want to play that game? Tell me this. Let’s start with your profound premise. Guys all are into porn. Each and every one. We love seeing chicks we never met strip naked because we get off on fake tits, and making them act out our dreams because we can’t deal with the likes of the lovely real thing like you. It’s even better if those neckties which strangle us into roles to support said naked chicks tie them up to our beds, so those belts we’re shackled with in the office can be used whip the hell out of them with it, just so we can finally jack off. It’s ideal if we can find some bimbo ho to submit to it because she likes it in real life. But we’ll settle for the film version of it because we’re too wimpy to admit what we really want in bed, and most women are just so, so honorable that they never, never would want such a thing. So miserable assholes like us are just skanks who think nothing of our dicks and how we can soil lovely, lovely flower buds like you to satisfy our cocks. That’s the great truth you want to believe, Ginger? Fine. So, answer me this. What do you call it when chicks like you get off on assholes like this Grey guy doing it with this fake chick in a book?

Ginger flushes, her mouth still pressed into a hard line.

Ginger: It’s different.

Todd’s mouth is pressed into a hard line also.

Todd: What’s different?

Ginger sits up straight, raises her eyebrows and voice. It’s like Ginger got her groove back.

Ginger: Erotic literature is different from porn. It’s imaginary, and they don’t have actresses being exploited by dirty old men. That’s why it isn’t the same.

Olivia sighs and rolls her eyes.

Olivia: Ginger, you do know they sign contracts and it’s legal, right? If they’re under eighteen, or they’re coerced or trafficked, the producers and photographers go to jail.

Ginger raises her eyebrows.

Ginger: You’re defending porn and you call yourself a feminist? And you say that you don’t like this book?

Katy flushes scarlet, and begins ripping at her coffee cup now that she’s run out of napkin. Todd smirks.

Olivia sighs.

Olivia: Nudity and porn all relative, for one. I’ve seen plenty of so-called high end movies with mainstream actresses flashing their tits around, but that’s supposedly okay and porn isn’t? I do believe in contractual consent between adults.

Ginger gasps and snaps back.

Ginger: Porn’s different. It’s not the same.

Todd sings in a voice that you wouldn’t ever want to hear on karaoke night the following attempt at verse.

Todd: Oh, for the chaste virginal glories of shit lit, clit lit and tit lit! Wherefore art thou, Romeo? My clit sobs without you!

He plays fake violin as his encore. People at other tables stare at his antics for a moment, before resuming their personal universes almost instantaneously. Ginger glares at him, sighs, rolls her eyes. Katy gasps, flushing fifty shades of crimson.

Olivia: Ginger, it kind of is the same thing, porn and erotica. They live on the same side of the coin. It’s not even on the opposite side of the same coin. They’re both involving sexual fantasies that adults wish to indulge in with their free time. Some want their erotica in print, other on film. It is pretty much the same thing. Erotica is erotica.

Ginger mutters the following.

Ginger: And yet you still trash Fifty Shades. That sounds like hypocrisy to me.

Olivia sips her coffee before putting it down on the table.

Olivia: It isn’t. Unlike Todd, I didn’t find the book all that offensive. I do have different opinions from him, after all. We’re married, not fused. I just found it boring and tedious. I don’t like the book because I think it’s written like complete shit. Ana sounds like a fake dork and Christian Grey sounds like some cardboard weirdo. Pressing his lip in a hard line all of the time? I don’t know, was that supposed to be some foreshadow that his dick was getting hard and the belt was coming off? Like I said before, the piece of shit is repetitive, and everyone comes off like a cutout screenplay overview rather than a character. They said the same stupid crap over and over. Speaking of crap, how many times was Ana saying that? It was ridiculous to me. She was willing to say how she’s fucking Christian using the real live expletive, but was too prissy to use the word shit on a regular basis? Crap this, double crap that, and triple crap that. And the stupid gestures everyone was making. Everyone’s gasping, rolling their eyes, flushing and blushing. It sounded like people were having medical issues. I mean, was I supposed to be turned on by Ana biting her lip all of the time?

Ginger rolls her eyes.

Ginger: It’s supposed to be endearing. Katy does it all of the time.

Everyone looks at Katy. Katy is biting her lip and stops when everyone is looking at her, and momentarily stops ripping her cup. They turn their attention away from her.

Todd speaks in an irritated voice.

Todd: Why the hell are chicks so into this shit, anyway? This Christian Grey asshole is an abusive douchebag. Why would you want to read about some chick getting tied up and whipped for kicks and a guy who gets his jollies off in some place called the Red Room of Pain, when if a guy in real life just calls you a bitch you want to kick his ass? What, it’s just better if it happens to one of your ‘sistahs’ and not you? Is that it?

Ginger flushes.

Ginger: It’s not really about that, you know. There are rules that they follow in that life.

Todd: Rules? Is that how you get around rationalizing abuse? And then chicks complain when we call them chicks. But some glamour boy tying and whipping them up in fantasy, that’s okay? What happened to this ‘no means no’ shit?

Ginger: It’s very specific. He wrote up a contract. He had to follow it and she agreed to it. They had a safe word like ‘no’ and he had to comply to that. And there were all kinds of clauses and specific things he had to follow in the contract, or she could walk away. If it really was abuse, she couldn’t.

Todd: Oh, that’s so Christian of him. And all of those rules were to his whipping benefit.

Olivia: And every time Ana did try to leave him, Christian stalked her. He wouldn’t let her leave. Just the way it is when an abuser won’t let a woman leave in real life. Christian manipulated her.

Ginger gasps.

Ginger: It’s about seduction! Everyone gives up a little when they are seduced. That’s what Ana did.

Todd stares down Ginger.

Todd: So what are you saying, deep inside, women want men to dominate them? That’s the big payoff on this?

Ginger mutters.

Ginger: You know, she does leave him in the end. She didn’t sign the contract, and she didn’t put up with shit.

Todd: Just getting her ass tied up and flogged while he’s getting his jollies with his butt plugs. That’s supposed to be a love story?

Katy gasps and turns crimson.

Olivia sips her coffee as she says the following.

Olivia: Not to mention, she gets back with him five minutes later in the next book.

Ginger gasps while looking at Olivia.

Ginger: I thought you wouldn’t be caught dead reading the second book. That’s what you told me.

Olivia: I wouldn’t. And I didn’t read it. I just looked at all the reviews. That’s enough of a summary for me. She’s idiotic enough to think she’ll change him. What a great message for women who are in an abusive relationship, thinking they can make someone else change if they just shake their ass the right way.

Ginger rolls her eyes.

Ginger: Please. It’s just fantasy.

Todd snorts.

Todd: Spare me.

There is silence. Katy is biting her lip, and running out of paper to rip on her cup. Everyone stares at her vacantly.

Olivia: That’s what I don’t get at all with that story. Why was she getting into that shit, anyway? It wasn’t like she was abused or anything in her past. Him, at least he was as he put it fifty shades of fucked up from his past. What was her excuse? It was like the author was saying if you’re a virgin, you’re too stupid and naive to recognize an asshole even if he tells you he is one. I just don’t get it. If I were a virgin holding out like Ana, I’d be insulted after reading that shit.

Ginger raises her eyebrows.

Ginger: Don’t you remember how you were with your ex Caleb? Wouldn’t you have done anything for him? Wasn’t he your first love? That’s what this was about. I thought you’d see that way. Doing anything for your first love.

Olivia shrugs and sips her coffee.

Olivia: Yeah, but I didn’t put up with any of the shit that she did. I kind of draw the line at being tied up. The only thing stupid thing I used to do is wait around half of my Friday nights hoping he’d call.

Ginger cocks her head to one side.

Ginger: Just so you could get the high off the Friday nights he did. It is the same thing. It’s the high of a sexual chase and thrill.

Todd raises his eyebrows.

Todd: Can’t you just watch ‘You Got Mail’? That had some chasing around. And no one got tied up or abused and rationalized it as something else. Calling this piece of shit ‘sexual chase and thrill’ sounds like worshiping the Stockholm Syndrome.

Ginger is confused.

Ginger: The what?

Olivia speaks slowly, as though she is talking to a child.

Olivia: The Stockholm Syndrome. When a victim of a crime starts sympathizing with the attacker instead of seeing him as the creep he is? Sort of how Ana does with Christian?

Ginger gasps.

Ginger: It’s just a book.

Todd: And soon it will be a film. An NC-17 one. With actresses exploited sexually for your enjoyment. Just like porn. Which by the way, NC-17 is a nice way saying it’s porn but we won’t say it’s porn. You know, like in the wholesome classic “Showgirls”. Still think it’s a good thing?

Ginger rolls her eyes.

Ginger: Oh come on. It’s just entertainment.

Olivia: So’s porn. Even the sadist type.

Ginger rolls her eyes again. They must like traveling in circles

Ginger: Please.

Todd leans towards Ginger while pointing at the author’s name on the book, which to those uninformed of such matters, is a chick called EL James.

Todd: Ginger, look. Tell me this. If EL James was Edward Leon James, would you feel the same way about the book? Would it be okay for a dude to get his kicks writing about a chick getting tied up, chained and whipped by some asshole who was telling her that’s romance, and that he to be this way because of his terrible past, while she has to change everything about herself to be with him if she wants him? Still think the book is a great panacea for women’s sex life now?

Ginger blinks.

Ginger: That’s the point, though. It isn’t.

Todd: So sadism is okay as long as a woman writes it? Because I kind of remember that book ‘American Psycho’ having some tying up of chicks for kicks in it before the sexy dashing serial killer Patrick Bateman sliced them up and put them in the incinerator. Bateman had deep needs from his past that compelled him to do that, too. Just like totally “freaking hot” Christian Grey. Bateman had rules that the women had to follow too. As long as they wound up dead by torture at his hands, everything was cool because he got his jollies off, just like “freaking hot” Grey with his Red Room of Pain and butt plugs. But based on your logic, you’re telling me that ‘American Psycho’ would be totally freaking hot and copasetic if Brittany Ellen Ellis wrote it rather than Bret Easton Ellis wrote it. Am I getting this logic straight?

There is silence. Katy is gasping soundlessly and flushing. Ginger purses her lips, and Olivia sips her coffee. Everyone is staring at them, but they apparently don’t care.

Ginger: Christian Grey isn’t a serial killer!

Todd raises his eyebrows.

Todd: He’s well on his way to getting there, with his serial sadist sex life.

Ginger mutters the next thing she says.

Ginger: It’s not the same.

Todd smirks.

Todd: Sure it isn’t.

Olivia shrugs.

Olivia: I don’t know. I just thought the book sucked. I’ve read blogs that were better.

Ginger: Oh please. You’re just saying that because Todd doesn’t like it and you never disagree with him.

There is silence again. Olivia and Todd raise their eyebrows, staring at Ginger. Ginger flushes and sets her mouth into a hard line. Katy bites her lip. She flushes crimson and scarlet and back again.

Olivia: Wow. The real truth comes out.

Todd smirks: Hey, she always tells the truth. Right, Ginger?

Ginger looks down.

Ginger: Sorry.

Olivia grimaces.

Olivia: No, you’re not.

She turns to Todd.

Olivia: Let’s go.

They get up and leave. Ginger and Katy are biting their lips, looking at the book. Ginger notices this, and stops immediately. Katy is still looking at the book, biting her lip.

Katy: Jeez, I guess the book was triple crap, after all.

(Names may have been changed to protect the innocent, and not so innocent. Or maybe, they haven’t. Maybe this is based on actual events. Or maybe they aren’t. But whateve’, who the hell cares? After all, nothing’s absolute, dudes. Whether it’s mommy porn or Plato, who needs their ethics in black and white when you can have fifty shades of relativism instead? What the triple crap’s the diff’?)


4 Responses to “Fifty Shades Of Relativism”

  1. renei brooker says:

    Ginger is a real selfish fool, Olivia has class and a smart male partner!

  2. MM says:

    I liked the second paragraph. Simple, clean, no asides or repeated emphasis, painting a scene without telling. The best writing of the entire scene, it reminds a little of Neil Gaiman. It made me want to read more in that simple descriptive tone.